time

does time really heal all wounds?

see for yourself:

as all good college girls do, i was at the Hall of Shame Fame on a thursday night. and i met this bug-eyed guy that my friends insisted was cute.

over the next week i saw Buggy a time or two and one of my friends asked him to be my date for the Cattleman's Ball that weekend. (how sweet)

generally speaking i am all for toting a sweet looking date to a party, but not this guy, and not this party.

after the party (and after a locking keys in pickup experience...remember that??), which seemed to be a painstaking lesson in why not to date guys with no friends, he dropped me off. in the rain. i stood huddled under the little awning of my door and he begged to come in. finally, he understood no meant no. he went home.

the next weekend my parents were in town for my sister's graduation and The Bugs was fortunately moving far away for a summer internship.

problem solved? think again.

he calls for me to come say goodbye and i oblige. when i pull up, he is in the parking lot and asks me to help him move all his things out of his apartment and load his pickup. i looked at him and said "really? that's why you asked me over? No. i will not help."

fast forward through awkward pause...he ends up pulling this letter out of his shirt pocket, in which he professes his love for me and tells how i have changed his life in these short two weeks

...um...my parents are in town, i've gotta jet.

after a few strange phone calls, where i repeatedly called it quits and he kept on insisting, we finally parted ways that summer. i saw him once or twice (Hello, GRE Prep!) over the next few years but we never spoke.

...Until...

fast forward to spring 2009, Memphis, TN. i'm with a friend (a guy, but not my boyfriend) at a Texas Country concert (Boland in TN...i'm there!!). my eagle eyes spot an A&M cap as we are waiting in line...this girl is intrigued.

later i pass Aggie Cap Man i think to myself...those dang bug eyes look so familiar, but i can't place him. he walks up to me and says "Brandenberger??" Dear God, i know Brandenberger is the 2nd most common name in the US...please let him be thinking of my long lost cousin??

i flash back to the awkward letter exchange, try to remember his name and decide that its been a good 5 years so surely he has grown out of that stage.

so when Aggie Cap Man/Bugs-a-million comes back over and asks me to have lunch with him the next day I say sure, and calmly add that i have a boyfriend (per my friend's advice)

Switch. Flipped.

the conversation that ensues contained a lot of arm flailing and accusatory comments about how i've just drawn this "boyfriend" from thin air and on. and on. and on. i think back on the 'growing out of that stage' thought i had earlier and realize that i was severely mistaken.

Dating Lesson: Some boys write love letters. Some boys write love letters in stone.

a short rant

It has recently (for fun let’s peg this at oh… five hours) occurred to me that some guys have no idea about proper break up etiquette. to this I say, listen here little chillins, let me learn you…

Proper:

In person

A phone call, when more than eight hours separates you

Improper:

A phone call, while one of the parties is snow skiing for four days....can’t it wait till I get home....

A text message an hour before my company Christmas party....thanks, if you’d given me more notice I could have found another date....

Google chat, when you are less than 10 miles away....get your lazy butt in the car and do it in person....

No action at all....I’m a worrier, I'll think you’ve been hit by a car....

A text message, after three months of dating....you could have at least called, your phone is obviously working....

A post it....ok so this didn’t happen to me, but we all remember it from Sex and the City....



Now I will be the first to admit, I have used a text to break it off after 1 date. It was acceptable, I swear…it was a blind date and he used the phrase, “just so you know, I grew up with money,” within the first ten minutes.

I have also used the facebook message as a means of conveance. Acceptable as well: 1 date followed by several creepy, late night, very inappropriate messages.

But sweet pea, a text message after more than a couple dates just is not acceptable. And its most certainly not acceptable after three months. I don’t know what Men’s Health article you read, or what your momma said, but it just ain’t right.

I could go on, but nobody likes a crazy girl, and lets face it…I knew you weren’t the one.

Dating lesson for the day: if the urge strikes you to break up in a text message, do us all a favor and grow a pair…

the best birthday

disclaimer: I am not proud of my actions in the story I am about to relay. I do not suggest others should act in the same manner. However, this relationship taught me a lot about myself and what I do and do not deserve so that I will never be in a similar relationship again.


the best birthday

it was not my birthday. but it was the birthday of someone i was very familiar with. the girl with whom my boyfriend was cheating on me.

this particular summer, i was living in chicago, dating a guy from grad school. his 'friend' (that's my nice word for it) conveniently also lived in chicago.

my coworker friends often went to this bar in lincoln park called the Lion Head Pub, but I was always stressing out about this guy so I never went.

until...

the 'friend's' birthday was approaching and it just so happened that she like the Lion Head Pub as well! So that Friday when my coworkers asked me to go...I said, "why Sure!"

saturday night rolls around and one of my friends stops by to pick me up on their way to lincoln park. when i walked into the apartment lobby in my little, definitely not on a summer intern's budget, black dress. he said, (and I quote) "damn"

perfect

everyone i was with knew about the birthday girl and what was about to go down, so there was no shortage of liquid courage that night. after a couple hours, the frolicking birthday crew arrived. boyfriend in tow.

i was like a vulture waiting on its prey...after a while i casually walked up to my boyfriend said something really catty. i can't remember what i said, but the look of shock on his face was unforgettable. and then i laid this big kiss on his lips and walked away.

for the next hour or so, i hung out with my friends...making sure at all times that no hair was out of place and that one of my good looking and much younger coworkers was not far away. the table picked out by the birthday girl just happened to be near the one my friends were at so in one walk back to our table, i pushed through to the inner circle surrounding the birthday girl and said, "hi!! happy birthday!!" as if we were the best of friends.

i gave her a big hug and when i pulled away,

she was crying

after seeing this, one of my friends grabbed me by the elbow and told me it was time for me to leave. to him, i owe many thanks.

moral of this story:




i bite.

must love dogs

i love my friend's babies.



and i love my friend's husbands (including my new BIL...Hi Keith!!)




but just becuase i love them, doesn't mean i want one of my own. not yet at least.

for now, there is this one:



and that is all i can be handle.

dating lesson: if you forget to feed your dog at least once per week, please reconsider kissing. becuase...kissing leads to babies. and babies like to eat.

the worst first date

I am not at all opposed to blind dates. Especially when I am being set up by a friend...a BEST friend nonetheless.

My dear friend over at The Lazy K told me once that she had...the perfect...guy for me. One of my closest friends in the entire world says she's found my sole mate. Count. Me. In.

Fast forward a few weeks. I'm primping like the world's going end tomorrow and St Peter judges on looks. I may or may not have had 1 or 2 doses of liquid courage and I am ready to go.

The door bell rings.

(side note: that summer, I lived in the projects...literally...so anytime the doorbell rang we didn't know if we should hide, call the cops, or get the gun)

I sneak to the door, just in case it's a kid asking for money and peak through the peephole. My heart sinks. He is not the gorgeous sandy blonde that had been described.

Quickly I curse myself for giving him such descriptive directions to my house and run through a couple options. Could I say he had the wrong house? Could I tell him I am my roommate and that I'm not home?

No, my best friend in the entire universe had set me up for this, so I had to go.

We drive down Texas Ave. To this point there has been only the basic small talk...what's your major, etc. Then he drops the bombshell.

"Oh, that is so my favorite store" I look out the window. We are passing a World Market, James Avery and Panda Express. Maybe he just loves Chinese food?

Then, "no I love that one even more". By now we were in front of Bed Bath and Beyond.

"My bedroom is Hawaiian. I even have a grass bed skirt." Oh dear God. I contemplate jumping out of the car.

I don't really remember anything else from that night. We saw "The Village." At the end, I thought please God, where is my dang hedge to go hide behind right now???

I try to learn a lesson from each guy I date. From this Hawaiian Tropic: Grass skirts do not always help you get leid.